Tom Wing: 20ish/M/Jerk. I'm one of those so-called pretentious snobs you read about. I am a moderate conservative with an ego the size of mars. I drink a grande white mocha like it's my job and I will gladly stab you in the back. If you have trouble with the articulation section of your brain, I will destroy you. I have a relationship with my car, it's beautiful. I am the internet's resident asshole. Don't push it.
We had a burglary scare at my house yesterday. I came home from work and the front door was propped open. Turns out, after the police combed through the house, that my idiot brother left the door open and then left for a few hours.